She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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