butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
