Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
