Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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