A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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