Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
