im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
