you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
