I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
