Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
