Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Operation Purity has been aborted
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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