Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
