She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Well I just put wine in my tea
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
