love makes seman taste better
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
