Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Dignity is for republicans.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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