i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
