I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
