People in love make me want to vomit
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
A+ Viking dick
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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