I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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