I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I bet he comes in French.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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