if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
