I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
