Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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