yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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