I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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