My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
