did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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