You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
