Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
My first STD was from a foam party
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
