I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
