I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Randomize
