Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
