A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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