Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
even my farts smell like vagina
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
