My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
