It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
