I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
