im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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