My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
