New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
