hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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