i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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