i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
