i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
