I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
