Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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