mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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