The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
