bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
