and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
