Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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