just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
