just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Terrible idea I love it
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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