1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
