Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
